Sunday, June 28, 2009

A letter to my daughter

To my precious daughter Abby;

First of all...Happy Birthday!!!

Where does the time go? Two years have flown by at such a fast speed. I am not sure if I like how fast this is happening.

I want you to know how much of a blessing you have been to me and your father. You came at a time in our life that was not expecting you.

Let me start from the beginning.

When I was first pregnant with your oldest brother, Kieran, I knew I wanted a boy. I think I would have been upset if he had been a girl. When I was pregnant with your other two brothers, Steven and Jacob, I didn't care if I had boys or girls. I had three boys! I thought my life was to be a mom with three boys. I was totally and completely happy.

Sometimes I watched moms and daughters and how they interacted and started to wish that I could have that. Your brothers would always ask for a sister. Daddy and I said we were done.

But a little part of me always wanted that little girl.

Then the unthinkable happened. Nine and a half years after I had Jacob I found that I was expecting again. I was stunned. Words cannot describe how I felt. Then I found out that you were going to be a girl. Doubly stunned! During the ultrasound when the technician told me that you were a girl I cried. How could I have possibly been blessed with a girl? After all these years of being a mom with three boys, I was going to have a girl.

Due to Dads health we were not sure how having a baby would fit into our lives. Your brothers were incredibly excited. Jacob would always talk to me belly. He made sure that he would talk to you at least once a day. Kieran and Steven would talk to you in my belly, but I think Kieran felt silly.

I was scared to buy girl clothes before you were born. I was almost afraid that if I bought girl clothes, you would be boy. After you were born, it took me thirty minutes in Old Navy to get up the nerve to look in the girl section. I was in unfamiliar territory. Now I can shop for your clothes with no problems. (I'm sure Dad wishes I didn't do it so often!)

Daddy, your brothers, and I fell head over heels in love with our little princess. I want to thank you for being in my life, our lives. You have been a blessing like you will never know. (even when you are screaming to get your own way) You gave your dad a reason for living again. You made me take time off work and to concentrate on my family more. You brought dad and I closer together.

May your life always be blessed.

Love, Mom


Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I was raised by my parents to be a stay at home mom. They would not let me go to college or university to further my education. I was taught how to be a mom. With four younger brothers and one younger sister around that was easy. I always envisioned myself working part time so that I could be home for my children. i had a grand ole life planned out. My husband would have a decent job, we owned a respectable house, and had six children.

I fell in love with Steve in high school. Shortly after high school we found out we were pregnant so we got married. That shot down most of my dream. This wasn't how life was supposed to be. While Steve struggled with finding job, i was at home in a hole of an apartment with barely any furniture. Life in the first few years was a struggle, but we eventually got our footing. We had ups and downs, bigger and better apartments and then a townhouse, job loss, job gain, job loss, and two more children. Steve figured that after boy number three that was it. No more chances for a girl. I had two part jobs along the way, but they were not worth it due to daycare costs.

I decided to go to college to get a 'real' job. I took out a loan and went to the local community college. Going to college was a good idea/bad idea. Good idea because college helped to develop my character into a better person. Bad idea because after ten years I am still paying back the money!

After college I had a hard time finding a job. Go figure! So I went back to school to become a personal support worker. They are high in demand and I would be guaranteed a job. The course was six months and in less than two months after I graduated from that course I had myself a job!!!

I love my most parts of my job. The pay is good. I was working 6 days in every two weeks, with the option of picking up extra shifts if my work was short staffed. I got a lot of extra shifts. If I wanted to work I could and if I wanted to stay home I could.

The first year I worked was great. I worked, Steve worked, all was good. Then Steve had a bad MS attack. The attack brought him down and never let him get back up to where he was physically before. He couldn't work anymore, he wasn't walking, needed a wheelchair, needed a lot of extra care. This went on for quite a few months. Steve had never fully recovered from that MS attack. While he doesn't use his wheelchair often, he can only walk for about five minutes before his legs give out. He falls a lot. He still needs a lot of extra care. He is demanding and that trait made my life so much harder.

During this time we became behind in our rent payments. My in laws were helping us out, but with only me working, we just did not have the money. After trying to make payments and really struggling, we were evicted.

During the next few months there was a lot of fighting, moving, our house was in a storage unit, and I got pregnant.

More to come later. I think this post is long enough!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

How to help people who need it

From experience I am going to post how best to help people in need.

1. Bring a meal or a gift card to a local restaurant.

2. Send a grocery store gift cards and Gas certificates.

3. Send a gift card to Wal Mart or Zellers.

4. Visit.

5. Volunteer to clean the house, or hire an agency to do it.

6. Cash works well. (then they can decide how best to utilize it)

7. Help with a utility bill.

8. Talk with them, either by email, phone, or in person.

9. Treat the family to a fun park or Zoo pass.

10. Spa days.

And lastly, do not ask, just do!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The first day of the rest of our lives

Yesterday Abby didn't cry when I left for work.

Usually there are many tears, accompanied by hugs and clinging. There is lots of noise and there is tons of heartbreak.

It is not only hard for Abby, but it is so very hard for me. It takes everything I have to walk out that door. I even shed a tear in the process.

But Tuesday was bittersweet.

Daddy put Sesame Street on and had Abby crawl up into his lap. She cuddled in with Daddy and was very content. Abby saw me heading towards the stairs, yelled over to me 'bye!', and waved.

Oh my goodness! what has happened?

I think I shed more tears Tuesday then I have in a long time.